Fear & trepidation: First post-treatment oncology review
Claire and I returned to the scene of the crime, St Vincent's Hospital. It felt strange to return here after nearly two months, with many memories, both good and bad. Actually, no, it was terrible, and I was metaphorically shaking on the inside. We parked the car in the normal place, then stopped in at the hospital cafe for a takeaway coffee for Claire. I'm still not on coffee as what I can smell is terrible, and it tastes even worse. To everyone who knows me, this is hard for me, as I love my coffee!
Walking into Genesis felt like going home, strangely. I'd spent every day here for seven weeks, plus additional time while I was in hospital. The front of house staff recognised me and called out and made a fuss of me. I was surprised they recognised me, as Google photos no longer recognises me as "Greg"; I've changed so much physically!
Sitting in the waiting room, it was interesting watch new patients come and go, blissfully unaware of what they were potentially about to be put through. The coffee machine still wasn't working with the same sign on it since December last year.
Then it was time to go and see June. I have been worrying about this moment for the last week and am having trouble sleeping through the night. Maybe its not the painful throat; maybe its worry about what I'm about to find out. Was it successful? Has it failed? What are next steps? Time to find out as we walk into June's office.
Firstly, June wondered why she had waited so long to see me. I explained that her staff had pushed my consultation out three times. She wasn't happy about that and mentioned she had no idea the team were doing that. I mentioned that I wasn't concerned and that if I had gotten into a pickle I'd have been able to call. So, straight after sitting down, it was anaesthetic spray in the right nostril. Damn, she's going to stick that camera up my nose that then goes down my throat. For the next 15 minutes we spoke while the spray numbed my nose and throat. I spoke about how the last eight weeks had been, especially the first four weeks out of hospital, and the journey since then. She then felt around my neck and was surprised - uh oh! She couldn't feel any tumours and that seemed to genuinely surprise her. I felt good now!
Next it was time to insert a tube up my nose, to go down my throat. This showed that I'm healing well and there was nothing unexpected. She said there was still a slight wound that looked tender but it was looking good and on track. I then asked "where to from here"? Next step in two weeks is a PET scan which will hopefully show no activity in my neck where the tumours are, or rather, were. If so, then I'm in remission and my cure odds lift to 90%. It's a long road still ahead, with lots of trepidation, but initial observations are good. My PET scan is already booked in for the 4th May at 8:15am so that will be the next "medical" update.
I was then able to spend time with my dietician, Cassie, and I'm happy to say I'm off the terrible nutrition drinks!! She's happy with my recent transition to solid food and has taken me off the nutrition drinks! Did I say that twice? I absolutely hate them so I'm glad to see the end of them. It's now time for me to fully transition to 3 x solid food meals a day, albeit soft food. We spoke about taste and smell and when they should start returning, and the types of food to try and gravitate to. She said I was healing and progressing nicely, and all on schedule.
Then an unscheduled stop to see Amanda, my oncology nurse, who looked after me in the really dark times in February. We had a big cuddle and then admired how good both of us were looking now! Amanda was the one who really looked after me when things went South and is one of the most caring people I've ever come across. She looked after me from Day One at Genesis, wheeled me around on my wheelchair, looked after my scans, gave me advice on how to care for myself (burns, throat, teeth, gums, skin etc), and continues to do so. I'm so glad I followed ALL her advice/instructions.
Anyway, a day that I was dreading has turned out to be a sunny day for my soul, just like it was outside the hospital today! The sun really was shining for me today.
I feel like I'm winning in the #fuckcancer game now :)
